My Life The Sitcom

Do you ever feel like you are living in a sitcom? I mean, my life literally could be a sitcom. If it was on TV I'd watch it, laugh at it, and probably pity the poor mom in it. But really I would just appreciate that we really all the same going through this journey of Motherhood. I look into the faces of these little monsters (kids) I've created and often ask myself, "Why did I want kids," and in the next moment, "I wish we could have 10 more!" I feel like a schizophrenic. I mean I am incredibly blessed and I do thank God everyday for all that He has given me, and yet some moments, if feel like I've lost myself, or really I never knew myself to begin with. I was married young, at 19, and had my first child at 21. The only dream I've ever had since I was a little girl was to get married and have children. When my first child was born, a beautiful little angel, Emma, I thought things would be wonderful. I had never felt that much love before! But to make a long story short, the images and expectations I had in my mind of what motherhood would be like, quickly faded as the cold reality slapped me in the face. It was hard to admit that I wasn't really as prepared as I thought I was. But things did get better and as Emma and I got to know each other more, we were able to work out our differences. (There aren't many-that's the problem) :) Since Emma we've had 3 more: Joshua, Lily, and Matthew. Each, so different and wonderful in their own way. The biggest thing that I didn't expect was how much having kids would change me and teach me. God is using them everyday to refine me. It is painful at times but rewarding all the same. So this blog is hopefully for me and for them, to cronicle our adventures through this beautiful mess we call motherhood.